You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
