Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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