i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
