Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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