You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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