She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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