I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
