Just fell off a train. Bad.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
