He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
