I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
