I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
