...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
