My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize