I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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