you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
