Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
