Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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