so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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