you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
