Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
