thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
