I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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