if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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