Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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