I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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