i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
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Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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