So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
