Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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