that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.