she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
