Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.

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(231): View more from Michigan

so then she threw up in his asshole

(1-231): View more from Michigan

yep..that'll do it.

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(765): View more from Indiana

You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

cat food counts as protein by the way

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(310): View more from California

Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)

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(312): View more from Illinois

She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.

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