Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  I faked an abortion last night.

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  (914): I faked an abortion last night. http://tfl.nu/q8tt
  Replies (20) Good night (788) Bad night (2802)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  Where are you?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  A place I should not be.

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  (623): Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors. (1-623): Where are you? (623): A place I should not be. http://tfl.nu/jfq9
  Replies (19) Good night (3933) Bad night (685)
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  (+90): View more from Turkey

  Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university

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  (+90): Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university http://tfl.nu/62fc
  Replies (34) Good night (2940) Bad night (594)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Clearly I made an impression.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or at least your vagina did.

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  (520): Clearly I made an impression. (404): Or at least your vagina did. http://tfl.nu/bank
  Replies (9) Good night (4895) Bad night (1028)
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  (883): View more from

  I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet

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  (883): I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet http://tfl.nu/tmsx
  Replies (7) Good night (3086) Bad night (1268)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.

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  (902): FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/vuiq
  Replies (10) Good night (2958) Bad night (1344)
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  (415): View more from California

  Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.

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  (415): Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time. http://tfl.nu/wfi0
  Replies (5) Good night (2168) Bad night (873)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.

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  (734): you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you. http://tfl.nu/57kx
  Replies (7) Good night (2052) Bad night (1135)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.

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  (201): You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow. http://tfl.nu/omx3
  Replies (7) Good night (856) Bad night (1450)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable

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  (319): Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable http://tfl.nu/cclu
  Replies (15) Good night (615) Bad night (4341)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?

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  (410): What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots? http://tfl.nu/z5fp
  Replies (6) Good night (1176) Bad night (509)
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  (524): View more from

  I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.

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  (524): I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex. http://tfl.nu/y2h0
  Replies (6) Good night (394) Bad night (1656)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.

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  (651): OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high. http://tfl.nu/rjps
  Replies (2) Good night (1291) Bad night (733)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...

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  (443): Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume... http://tfl.nu/owv3
  Replies (7) Good night (626) Bad night (329)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it

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  (203): I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it http://tfl.nu/jm8h
  Replies (3) Good night (348) Bad night (490)

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