she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
