so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.