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I wish life had little blips of pornography
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
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