is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED