dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
