sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
