Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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