you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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