All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
