That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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