I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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