Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
