Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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