Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
