I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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