True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
