This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
