New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
