Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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