I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
