Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
