i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
