I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
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I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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