Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
