Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
