She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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