I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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