It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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