if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
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I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
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Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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