They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
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We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize