Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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