Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
