Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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