is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
