there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
