theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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