i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
