I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
