No awkward lesbian experiences without me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So much Jack, so little girl.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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