Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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