there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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