Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
