whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
