Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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