you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
