His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
