I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
