You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
