ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
