dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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