I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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